Just Kristin

So, it occurred to me dur­ing the under-caffeinated por­tion of my morn­ing, that it would be pos­si­ble — and indeed quite cheap — to make face blot­ting tis­sues much like those that I first saw while rid­ing on trains in Japan, being deployed by appar­ently less-than-fresh-faced OL on their way to or from work in the muggy sum­mer heat. I wasn’t sure why any­one would use them then, and I am still not sure now: if you can get to a place where it would be pos­si­ble to wash your face with soap and water, wouldn’t that be bet­ter, more refresh­ing? I mean, no one wants to see you sop­ping oil off your skin in pub­lic, dab­bing at your face the way one might get the last of the mari­nara off their plate with a piece of baguette. I mean, the sound the lit­tle crinkly papers make calls atten­tion to your activ­ity, mak­ing it is hard to ignore. Your choice, then, with the lit­tle wipes, is to either be dis­gust­ing in pub­lic, or to use them in lieu of a real wash while in the pri­vacy of a restroom. For me, a no-brainer, but as they now seem to be gain­ing in pop­u­lar­ity here in the US, I fig­ure that the crafty among us should take the oppor­tu­nity cre­ated by their trendi­ness to make some really pretty gifts for the more decorated-of-face among our friends and family.

A pat­terned or bright solid card­stock can serve as a dec­o­ra­tive, match-book-like holder for the sheets. You could even recy­cle some file fold­ers, mag­a­zine cov­ers or other sim­i­larly sturdy paper goods. I needn’t tell you crafters this: you are cre­ative. Here comes the bril­liant part, tho: the lit­tle sheets inside are, from what I have noted by play­ing with one I rec’d from a friend, the exact con­sis­tency and weight as the toi­let bowl cov­ers found in most pub­lic restrooms! Yes, I mean the white, bible-page-weight ass-gaskets dis­pensed from boxes labeled “Pro­vided by the Man­age­ment for your Pro­tec­tion.” Head out to the local 7–11 or office park and appro­pri­ate a bunch. Cut them to fit your previously-made hold­ers and sta­ple about 20 sheets in each. If you want, you could hold them above some incense to add a scent, but be care­ful not to set them on fire — potty tis­sues burn FAST. Fold the book­let closed, in keep­ing with the match­book model and, presto! You could even come up with a neato brand icon of your own to make them seem more hoity-toity (empha­sis, of course, on the toity).

There it is. Have fun, and let me know how many peo­ple you de-shine with this thought­ful gift: noth­ing says “I love you” like face de-greasers… am I right? If Barnes & Noble found it wise (and they did! I worked in hell that year) pimp the South Beach Diet books with signs that read “Great Christ­mas Gift”, I can’t be far from off in my gift-giving logic. Now I am away to find some bibles and prayer-books ear­marked for recy­cling to see if their pages would work in a sim­i­lar fash­ion, because those would make a great gift for remov­ing unsightly sweat halos! :)