Depression is humiliating.

All I can say to this is yes. Yes. Yes and thank you, Pearl, and @kateordeath for pass­ing it along (the arti­cle, not the depres­sion). Yes. Exactly. And I am sorry. And thank you every­one and I am sorry.

Depres­sion is humil­i­at­ing. It turns intel­li­gent, kind peo­ple into zom­bies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the abil­ity to think clearly, to feel any­thing, to ascribe value to your chil­dren, your life­long pas­sions, your rel­a­tive good for­tune. It scoops out your nor­mal healthy abil­ity to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrec­og­niz­able sludge that finds no plea­sure, no delight, no point in any­thing out­side of bed. You alien­ate your friends because you can’t com­port your­self socially, you risk your job because you can’t con­cen­trate, you live in mod­er­ate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capac­ity to stop the down­ward plunge. You have no per­spec­tive, no emo­tional reserves, no faith that it will get bet­ter. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inabil­ity to deal with life like a reg­u­lar human, which exac­er­bates the depres­sion and the isolation.Depression is humiliating.If you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye con­tact with the gro­cery store cashier. No one on earth would choose the night­mare of depres­sion over an aver­agely tur­bu­lent nor­mal life.It’s not an inca­pac­ity to cope with day to day liv­ing in the mod­ern world. It’s an inca­pac­ity to func­tion. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every bless­ing to you. If depres­sion has taken root in you or your loved ones, every bless­ing to you, too.Depression is humiliating.No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in fam­i­lies, it ruins fam­i­lies. You can­not imag­ine what it takes to feign nor­malcy, to show up to work, to make a den­tist appoint­ment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toi­let paper on hand, when you are exert­ing most of your capac­ity on try­ing not to kill your­self. Depres­sion is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imag­i­nary. Com­pas­sion is also real. And a depressed per­son may cling des­per­ately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remem­ber your com­pas­sion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depres­sion. Have a heart. Judge not lest ye be judged.

Pearl.

2 thoughts on “Depression is humiliating.

  1. Noth­ing to be sorry for. I don’t feel depressed any longer since I pretty much told most of the world to fuck off. ;^) And got bet­ter drugs.

    Seri­ously, the lam­ic­tal for me was like a freakin’ lightswitch. I still have off days of course, but have never descended to the depths again like I did before.

    You have a good and deeply under­stand­ing posse who love you and care about you and sup­port you no mat­ter what. That’s the most impor­tant part. The mood is not who you are and does not define you. It is not easy to climb out of those deep holes and those who know and under­stand that are always there to help you get out of it too. Take care of your­self, and never be sorry for those times when oth­ers get to take care of you, too. The inten­sity and vibrance of what you bring to your bet­ter moments is well worth it.

  2. I also say, YES. And THANK YOU.

    And I agree with Donna, no “I’m sor­ries.” I won’t be sorry that this is also part of me — I didn’t ask for it or go look­ing for it or wield it inten­tion­ally. It just is, and I do the best I can.

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