Choose Your Peg

(I mean, innuendo unintended, but take giggles where you can...)

I was reminiscing with my brother the other day about all the games we grew up playing. As children with two homes - mom’s and dad’s - we were lucky to have two game hoards, and they had very little overlap. Like most kids in the harsh winter portions of the US, there were very rarely days we didn’t spend time playing games of some kind.

The things we played at both houses, as well as those of other relatives, were Monopoly (which I don’t ever remember liking or finishing, regardless of the *opoly version), Checkers/Chess/Backgammon (using the “3-in-1 Games” plastic and cardboard sets often rec’d as Christmas or birthday gifts) and card games: Solitaire/Patience when playing solo; Crazy Eights, Kings Corners, Flush the Toilet, Speed, Bullshit, Gin Rummy, Golf, and Spite and Malice were games for all ages. Dad was always willing to win back our allowances if we wanted to sit in on a game or two of Poker or Blackjack, although he’d kindly lower the ante to a penny, or play for pretzels, like at mom’s house. At dad’s, we would be invited to take part in more adult games like Sheepshead or Cribbage when we were deemed old enough and could grasp the rules; this was a right of passage similar to moving from the kid’s table to the big table at large family dinners like Thanksgiving (the caveat being that no one had to die for you to be included in more complex games, while moving up to the big table was based entirely on availability of seating).

At mom’s, we played dice games: Shut the Box, Yahtzee, Ship–Captain–Crew, Left–Center–Right, and Farkle. These were very M. family games, with Shut the Box and Ship–Captain–Crew featuring in early memories of my Grandma M., and the rest played frequently with other cousins, aunts and uncles. I suppose that, tangentially, the D&D games played with my brother and my geeky school friends would count as dice games… That’s another story, though.

The main games I remember having at mom’s house were: Generals (bee-dee-DUHN bee-dee-DUHN DUHHNNN!), Battleship, The Mad Magazine Game (which I recently ordered a copy of on eBay), Clue, Mastermind (the mechanics of which are now found in Wordle and its offshoots), Scrabble, Probe (which had plastic parts that were as fun to use as weapons as the tracks for Hot Wheels cars), Trivial Pursuit (my favorite as a teen because *knowing things* was my passion, and is still a joy to my soul), and two “high-tech” football games: Electric Football (basically a vibrating sheet with tiny football figures on it, one of which had a small foam “ball” crammed in its armpit) and Coleco Electronic Quarterback (versions of which can be purchased from big-box stores as a retro game).

At dad’s there were more games, many of which I don’t remember, or don’t remember playing. There were definitely more cutting edge games at dad’s: an early Atari pong system, Simon and Merlin were the pinnacle of high tech, and blew our football games out of the water. Candy Land, Chutes and Ladders, Trouble, Sorry, Aggravation, Connect Four, and Mousetrap were simple but fun and allowed all the siblings to play. Perfection, I am sure, is the source of a decent chunk of my lifelong anxiety. Masterpiece, though it was a game played at a friend’s house, was formative as an art introduction, so I’ll include it in the list. Payday, Careers, and The Game of Life let us speedrun adult life in the most basic ways. I am certain that we learned something from all the play we took part in, even if it was what to do with boredom.

Photo by Randy Fath on Unsplash

The Game of Life, however, gave me a boost, a clue, a peek at something I have been coming to terms with throughout my adult life. Whenever we played, I would choose to start the game with a blue peg. When I got older, I might start with one color, and put the opposite color in the seat of the car furthest from the driver’s seat. Still later, I would start with one color and marry that same color - the audacity! It took until I was in high school before I had a word I thought fit me: bisexual. As time has gone on, I have realized, with the help of the young people who have come after me and have pushed borders further than did those of us being Proud in the 80s and 90s, that I am not only bi/pan-sexual, but non-binary. (Personally, I like the term Queer; I like the reclamation of it, I like the all-encompassing nature of it, and I like the sound of it.) It turns out I never had crushes on Robin (of Batman and) or David Bowie themselves; I wanted to BE Robin and Bowie. What revelations! I am pleased that I can still surprise myself.

There’s a lot more to my identity than all this. I am not one for labels, though I see their purpose, and their use is important for many. I am not going to change much of who I am, I don’t think, as I am pretty solid in myself at this point, and have the good fortune to have people in my life who love me and support me no matter what. However, it is a beautiful thing to be able to understand some of the confusing but delicious feelings I had as a young person. Thank you, Game of Life car, for holding all my selves until I was ready to see them. I know there will be more to pick up along the way.

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)

from “Song of Myself, 51” by Walt Whitman